Tuesday, 29 April 2014
How Difficult Is It Getting For You Alejandro?
Monday, 28 April 2014
Reason, Season, Or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a
lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for
each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through
a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically,
emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They
are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the
relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes
they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our
need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because
your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of
peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They
usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But
only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your
job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to
use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is
blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Mistakes
If there is one thing I could remind you
Dear Alejandro Manzano
Is that you aren't the only one who makes mistakes.
Even when you make mistakes,
Which you will,
Learn to forgive yourself
and learn from your mistakes.
What's the point of carrying those mistakes around?
Don't regret them,
Think of it as an experience,
I know you might be tempted,
Tempted to look back,
Again and again,
At those 'mistakes'.
These are just lessons of wisdom.
Only the future is in your control.
If you really have to look back,
Think about the reason
WHY you made those mistakes.
Oh my dear Alejandro Manzano
Don't run from your mistakes,
And forgive yourself first.
Dear Alejandro Manzano
Is that you aren't the only one who makes mistakes.
Even when you make mistakes,
Which you will,
Learn to forgive yourself
and learn from your mistakes.
What's the point of carrying those mistakes around?
Don't regret them,
Think of it as an experience,
I know you might be tempted,
Tempted to look back,
Again and again,
At those 'mistakes'.
These are just lessons of wisdom.
Only the future is in your control.
If you really have to look back,
Think about the reason
WHY you made those mistakes.
Oh my dear Alejandro Manzano
Don't run from your mistakes,
And forgive yourself first.
I Smile A Lot
I noticed Alejandro doesn't smile a lot but that's who he is. He
comes across as someone genuine and sincere. I smile quite a bit. I
can't help but smile.
I have one of those 'can't do a poker face' faces. What I feel is what you see. I have not mastered the art of disguising emotions on my face. That can be a tad annoying.
I also shmize a lot (that's when you smile with your eyes). I tried to just smile without my eyes shining but it seems that it is physiologically impossible for me haha :)
I like that Alejandro saves those precious smiles. It's kinda cute!
I have one of those 'can't do a poker face' faces. What I feel is what you see. I have not mastered the art of disguising emotions on my face. That can be a tad annoying.
I also shmize a lot (that's when you smile with your eyes). I tried to just smile without my eyes shining but it seems that it is physiologically impossible for me haha :)
I like that Alejandro saves those precious smiles. It's kinda cute!
Sunday, 27 April 2014
Sydney Is Home
There is a spirit to this place like no
where else. There is an honest beauty. Simple. Easy. My newly adopted
country is one of the most “no need to be politically correct” countries in the
world. There is also a rhythm to Sydney. I love that you can choose to live your life in
nature here. This country has been home for a few years. This is my second home.
Thinking Outside The Box
So many people are locked inside a box without questioning anything
about what they’ve been taught. Afraid of what others might think if
they venture outside the box, remaining complacent and conformalist to
what society dictates. It seems harder to rely on our own discernment
& judgment.
People could live their entire lives pretending to be what society expects them to be and not even know it!
People could live their entire lives pretending to be what society expects them to be and not even know it!
I Am Complete
I Am Complete
Without you.
I have only understood recently what it is like to feel complete and what it is to love oneself without anyone else making me feel 'whole'. I think our 20s are to feel that yearning and our 30s is to understand that we are whole just by ourselves.
I don't undervalue the companion who uplifts you just with their presence in your life. That is beautiful. But anything can happen. Besides the 'break up' that may happen (controllable), there is death in its finality (uncontrollable). If we place so much significance on feeling complete WITH someone what happens if that person is no longer around. This could be anyone or anything, from a romantic partner to a pet.
Take the love of our parents.
Full disclaimer: I love my parents and my brother so much, to bits.
At some point our independence sets in. That feeling you get that this life is MINE to live, to do what I think I should, my identity is now separate from that familial bond.
I also now understand what it is like to let go as a parent has to let go. When we're young we are so eager to make our mistakes that our parents have to let go but now I let go and allow MY PARENTS to make their mistakes.
I don't know how many young adults in their early 30s feel like I do. But I feel this overwhelming need to protect them. Almost like they are so vulnerable and gullible and fragile that I want to protect from them and keep them safe but I know I cannot control their decisions so I must let go. I can voice my concerns but I should eventually let go.
I also feel I now understand what it is like to let go with my brother. He is the young one. I am the older one. So I am bound to feel like I want to force my life lessons on him to prevent him from feeling the pain that comes from falling but I get, now, that, sometimes we should let our younger siblings fall on their own and learn on their own.
In the end, all we can do is offer support and just be there for them.
I wish more people understood they don't NEED a 'soulmate' to feel complete. We are all so whole, beautiful and 'full', just on our own. People who come into our lives (and sometimes go) are adding value, NOT completing anything.
Without placing blame, I feel a lot of this thinking is conditioned in us by family, society and peers and we just accept it. "If everyone else is saying that they feel complete, that must mean I will also feel complete ONE DAY when that special some one walks into my life"
I remember my grand uncle a very long time back telling in my teens that no one can complete and of course as most teens would I listened through one ear and lost the wisdom almost immediately. I hope more young adults realize sooner we are all complete.
We are born alone and we go alone. We only add value and we receive value to others we meet along on this beautiful journey we call life.
And since I am too pragmatic for a woman, I must add, in my own distinct flavor, that if we really would only be complete AFTER meeting a soulmate, how would we justify not meeting them in this 7 billion populated packed world with all of us SCATTERED around the globe. What if that soulmate was an Artic scientist but the likelihood of you meeting them is almost nil considering you are geographically separated for most of your life and would most never get the chance to meet him or her. I also doubt this scientist would have time to add an online dating profile which slims your chances of meeting this soulmate even more.
As "connected" we all our thanks to this thing we call the internet, we are all so separated too. This internet doesn't necessarily guarantee our connection with this soulmate.
At the end of the day, we learn to let go and learn to make the most of the people that DO enter our lives. No one can ever be perfect for us. We MAKE the most of the gifts they are to us and we MAKE IT WORK.
I have written about my thoughts on Soulmates here separate from this so this post doesn't get too long. (No idea why the file isn't uploading. Typical Aussie internet!)
Without you.
I have only understood recently what it is like to feel complete and what it is to love oneself without anyone else making me feel 'whole'. I think our 20s are to feel that yearning and our 30s is to understand that we are whole just by ourselves.
I don't undervalue the companion who uplifts you just with their presence in your life. That is beautiful. But anything can happen. Besides the 'break up' that may happen (controllable), there is death in its finality (uncontrollable). If we place so much significance on feeling complete WITH someone what happens if that person is no longer around. This could be anyone or anything, from a romantic partner to a pet.
Take the love of our parents.
Full disclaimer: I love my parents and my brother so much, to bits.
At some point our independence sets in. That feeling you get that this life is MINE to live, to do what I think I should, my identity is now separate from that familial bond.
I also now understand what it is like to let go as a parent has to let go. When we're young we are so eager to make our mistakes that our parents have to let go but now I let go and allow MY PARENTS to make their mistakes.
I don't know how many young adults in their early 30s feel like I do. But I feel this overwhelming need to protect them. Almost like they are so vulnerable and gullible and fragile that I want to protect from them and keep them safe but I know I cannot control their decisions so I must let go. I can voice my concerns but I should eventually let go.
I also feel I now understand what it is like to let go with my brother. He is the young one. I am the older one. So I am bound to feel like I want to force my life lessons on him to prevent him from feeling the pain that comes from falling but I get, now, that, sometimes we should let our younger siblings fall on their own and learn on their own.
In the end, all we can do is offer support and just be there for them.
I wish more people understood they don't NEED a 'soulmate' to feel complete. We are all so whole, beautiful and 'full', just on our own. People who come into our lives (and sometimes go) are adding value, NOT completing anything.
Without placing blame, I feel a lot of this thinking is conditioned in us by family, society and peers and we just accept it. "If everyone else is saying that they feel complete, that must mean I will also feel complete ONE DAY when that special some one walks into my life"
I remember my grand uncle a very long time back telling in my teens that no one can complete and of course as most teens would I listened through one ear and lost the wisdom almost immediately. I hope more young adults realize sooner we are all complete.
We are born alone and we go alone. We only add value and we receive value to others we meet along on this beautiful journey we call life.
And since I am too pragmatic for a woman, I must add, in my own distinct flavor, that if we really would only be complete AFTER meeting a soulmate, how would we justify not meeting them in this 7 billion populated packed world with all of us SCATTERED around the globe. What if that soulmate was an Artic scientist but the likelihood of you meeting them is almost nil considering you are geographically separated for most of your life and would most never get the chance to meet him or her. I also doubt this scientist would have time to add an online dating profile which slims your chances of meeting this soulmate even more.
As "connected" we all our thanks to this thing we call the internet, we are all so separated too. This internet doesn't necessarily guarantee our connection with this soulmate.
At the end of the day, we learn to let go and learn to make the most of the people that DO enter our lives. No one can ever be perfect for us. We MAKE the most of the gifts they are to us and we MAKE IT WORK.
I have written about my thoughts on Soulmates here separate from this so this post doesn't get too long. (No idea why the file isn't uploading. Typical Aussie internet!)
Saturday, 26 April 2014
Pulsing With The Knowing
I have never had such powerful dreams before to the point that these
are almost visions of this mysterious guy. Alejandro Manzano. I can't
say I would know him just by the stuff online. But I still feel like I
'get him'. I get such a strong energy with him in my dreams like I have
known him in my past and not just the dream I'm having. The dreams feel
so real that even when we are in the dark I have almost memorized his
'presence'. I feel a very strange sensation that he knows me too on the
same level.
He just doesn't know its me.
I can't put it in words but I try. I think because I want to stay sane :) This is all new to me.
So I asked myself to make sense of this. We are after all living in different countries. From what I know, when twinflames aren't physically together it means there is work to be done. That both need to work on themselves on emotional / mental levels before the two actually meet in person. What usually happens if the meeting happens too soon that it was 'meant to be', the energy between both turns out to be very very intense.
My dreams are intense. No, actually it is way
too intense for me. There is an overwhelming sense of respect,
admiration and love for each other and so heart felt from both sides. We
are drawn together like magnets and it transcends 'cute puppy love'.
On a personal level, for the past couple of months, things have been falling into place for me on every level and I have been feeling very content, satisfied and at peace. The sense of completion that I already feels seems to be multiplied with these dreams that I almost wait to go to bed at night to LIVE through new revelations.
He just doesn't know its me.
I can't put it in words but I try. I think because I want to stay sane :) This is all new to me.
So I asked myself to make sense of this. We are after all living in different countries. From what I know, when twinflames aren't physically together it means there is work to be done. That both need to work on themselves on emotional / mental levels before the two actually meet in person. What usually happens if the meeting happens too soon that it was 'meant to be', the energy between both turns out to be very very intense.
My dreams are intense. No, actually it is way
too intense for me. There is an overwhelming sense of respect,
admiration and love for each other and so heart felt from both sides. We
are drawn together like magnets and it transcends 'cute puppy love'.On a personal level, for the past couple of months, things have been falling into place for me on every level and I have been feeling very content, satisfied and at peace. The sense of completion that I already feels seems to be multiplied with these dreams that I almost wait to go to bed at night to LIVE through new revelations.
Love & IN Love
So many people use the word "I'm in love" without really
understanding it. I think you can love someone without being IN love
with them. You can't be in love with someone without TRULY knowing them.
Who will stand by you through your hardest times and love you for YOU even when you are stripped of all the materialistic valuables, money, power, fame, success. When you are in essence just you.
Who will love you when you are down with the flu, really sick, in bed, with bed hair and not looking your best. When you want to be hugged, loved, cuddled, kissed and held, feeling safe, protected and complete.
Who will stand by you through your hardest times and love you for YOU even when you are stripped of all the materialistic valuables, money, power, fame, success. When you are in essence just you.
Who will love you when you are down with the flu, really sick, in bed, with bed hair and not looking your best. When you want to be hugged, loved, cuddled, kissed and held, feeling safe, protected and complete.
Why Me?
You don’t miss having your soulmate in your
life most when you are down, but when you are so happy you want to share the
joy with him or her.
I don’t mean “Why Me” in a negative way. I
mean it in the sincere way “Why am I of all the other billions in the world
having such vivid recurring dreams about Alejandro”
Around the time Boyce Avenue was touring UK, I had a
dream where I was with A in a English music arena-ish setting, not too bright,
not too dark. The feeling was one of knowing Alejandro closely.
I was not following Boyce Avenue news to know what
they were up to and where they were, leave alone the fact that they started to
tour the world. I don’t think the one time I viewed their music I was even
exposed to any touring, at that time, if they even were.
After deducting time, place and activity, I
realized that Alejandro was in a place very similar to what appeared in my dream at
that precise moment (even after world time differences)
Alejandro I know what you feel. To the rest of us, I think it looks green on the other side but it can be so tiring for you, and you can feel so alone sometimes. You feel fear on so many levels. Sometimes coming so far makes you fear the stability, the pressure, the new-ness of it all.
Alejandro Manzano My Type?
In my first blog post I had the audacity ;) to say that Alejandro
Manzano was not necessarily my type. I don't look him up, I don't
"follow" him and no, by strict definition, I am not a fan. In one word I
would say I am not stalker-ish. With that said, though, I do find
myself beaming with pride at the sight of his apparent success and do
find him uber talented.
I think it takes a special mature woman to understand what it will take to be the "girl" of a famous musician. If you dig the limelight, want to be on the red carpet and want to be the envy of many girls around the world, then that life is perfect for you. But if you can understand there will be a LOT of touring leaving you and your beloved skyping a lot, competing with a lot of other women, and being the PERFECT arm candy, you just may not want that kind of life.
Sometimes I feel I am too practical for my own good. I like being behind the curtains helping rather than center stage receiving the applause. I LOVE my privacy. I love the fact that I am most introvert-ish, quiet, very shy. I allow very few people to get close to me. The kind of glamorous life as a MRS Alejandro Manzano may not suit my personality.
I do think that, having a few 'sacrificial lamb' bones in my body, that if I really love someone and connect with them on every level, making a few sacrifices is part of the territory. I can't think of not going out of my way to make someone I love happy.
And now for the most juiciest part - I am far from conventional. I am too geeky, nerdy, non-sexy looking. I think having being called "cute" all my life has now just made me resigned to the fact that I probably won't be a super sexy bombshell. Clearly, being sexy, is a per-requisite to being a "stars" arm candy. Disqualified immediately haha :)
Also I am older. I was born in 1981 (October). That makes me older. And no I have not entered the cougar era of my life yet. I am too shy to make the first move. Even when a guy makes that first move I am way too shy. I find myself being bubbly with people I warm up to (and those people are few and far between)
I am also not a typical girly girl. I don't get emotional half as much as my woman friends do. I also don't particularly enjoy "chick flicks". They aren't banned but they aren't on my top 10 list either. I prefer sci fi, zombies, post-apocalyptic, thrillers.
I am very turned on by intelligent banter.
I also drop my reservations and am not shy sexually when I am with a guy I feel very connected to. I can go from deep meaningful conversation to feeling very 'notty' in under 5 minutes.
I find myself being very balanced as I get older. I like those girls nights out occasionally but I am a homebody who loves being with family and spending time with family and friends at home.
I love to cook but because I have been dieting for quite a while now that I have not had too much of a chance to get into the kitchen and really cook.
So where is this going. Clearly, I do not qualify as Alejandro Manzano girlfriend material. Not that he cares haha :) So that defies why I keep getting Alejandro Manzano dreams. The guy just won't stop making guest appearances to the point that I feel that we are drawn to each other in the dream state because we can't be together because of the apparent geographic distance.
I think it takes a special mature woman to understand what it will take to be the "girl" of a famous musician. If you dig the limelight, want to be on the red carpet and want to be the envy of many girls around the world, then that life is perfect for you. But if you can understand there will be a LOT of touring leaving you and your beloved skyping a lot, competing with a lot of other women, and being the PERFECT arm candy, you just may not want that kind of life.
Sometimes I feel I am too practical for my own good. I like being behind the curtains helping rather than center stage receiving the applause. I LOVE my privacy. I love the fact that I am most introvert-ish, quiet, very shy. I allow very few people to get close to me. The kind of glamorous life as a MRS Alejandro Manzano may not suit my personality.
I do think that, having a few 'sacrificial lamb' bones in my body, that if I really love someone and connect with them on every level, making a few sacrifices is part of the territory. I can't think of not going out of my way to make someone I love happy.
And now for the most juiciest part - I am far from conventional. I am too geeky, nerdy, non-sexy looking. I think having being called "cute" all my life has now just made me resigned to the fact that I probably won't be a super sexy bombshell. Clearly, being sexy, is a per-requisite to being a "stars" arm candy. Disqualified immediately haha :)
Also I am older. I was born in 1981 (October). That makes me older. And no I have not entered the cougar era of my life yet. I am too shy to make the first move. Even when a guy makes that first move I am way too shy. I find myself being bubbly with people I warm up to (and those people are few and far between)
I am also not a typical girly girl. I don't get emotional half as much as my woman friends do. I also don't particularly enjoy "chick flicks". They aren't banned but they aren't on my top 10 list either. I prefer sci fi, zombies, post-apocalyptic, thrillers.
I am very turned on by intelligent banter.
I also drop my reservations and am not shy sexually when I am with a guy I feel very connected to. I can go from deep meaningful conversation to feeling very 'notty' in under 5 minutes.
I find myself being very balanced as I get older. I like those girls nights out occasionally but I am a homebody who loves being with family and spending time with family and friends at home.
I love to cook but because I have been dieting for quite a while now that I have not had too much of a chance to get into the kitchen and really cook.
So where is this going. Clearly, I do not qualify as Alejandro Manzano girlfriend material. Not that he cares haha :) So that defies why I keep getting Alejandro Manzano dreams. The guy just won't stop making guest appearances to the point that I feel that we are drawn to each other in the dream state because we can't be together because of the apparent geographic distance.
The Beginning....
Exactly one year back I just happened to discover Boyce Avenue. I
though (and think) they are talented and never thought much of it.
Exactly one year after, I have a dream deep in my sleep. Not just one of
those dreams you wake up and forget. One of those dreams that really
really move you. In this dream I am with Alejandro Manzano from Boyce
Avenue. I have no clue how a 'face' I had seen a year back on a YT video
would re-appear in a dream.
To be certain, I jogged my memory to be sure I hadn't subconsciously caught the band name or A's name or any mention of them or their songs. I wanted to be sure my memory wasn't playing tricks on me so I gave it a day or two. I was sure. It was now strange. Why would someone I don't know and would most likely not meet in 'real' make a guest appearance in my dream and play a HUGE role.
I was so shaken by it that I remember every scene, every touch, every feeling, every bit of the happiness, joy and passion now. I can't shake it no matter how packed my day is with hectic work.
To be clear, A is not my type and I am almost certain I am not hist type. More importantly I live in Sydney Australia and he in LA I think. The likelihood of the dream transpiring into reality has a low probability.
I am also not a die hard fan. I do think they are talented but I don't swoon over anyone so by definition I do not qualify as a fan. HOWEVER, I do feel like I am "proud" of A.
I feel like I KNOW him. On a very deep level that transcends this 3rd dimensional physical reality.
So being uber practical I look up who this 'guy' is because I don't even know his name. I just remember the vocalist from some YT channel. I only go so far as finding out what his name and seeing what work he's been up to lately. I haven't "connected" / "followed" / "liked". Googling him I find a LOT of female fans totally "in love" with him. Not my words, theirs haha. I feel proud. Nothing else.
So I figured I would start this. This digital open letter / diary not really wanting A to read this but more as a private vent for figuring this out.
A moving dream on my parent's 34th wedding anniversary that I cannot shake off. I continue to look, watch, be proud from afar.
To be certain, I jogged my memory to be sure I hadn't subconsciously caught the band name or A's name or any mention of them or their songs. I wanted to be sure my memory wasn't playing tricks on me so I gave it a day or two. I was sure. It was now strange. Why would someone I don't know and would most likely not meet in 'real' make a guest appearance in my dream and play a HUGE role.
I was so shaken by it that I remember every scene, every touch, every feeling, every bit of the happiness, joy and passion now. I can't shake it no matter how packed my day is with hectic work.
To be clear, A is not my type and I am almost certain I am not hist type. More importantly I live in Sydney Australia and he in LA I think. The likelihood of the dream transpiring into reality has a low probability.
I am also not a die hard fan. I do think they are talented but I don't swoon over anyone so by definition I do not qualify as a fan. HOWEVER, I do feel like I am "proud" of A.
I feel like I KNOW him. On a very deep level that transcends this 3rd dimensional physical reality.
So being uber practical I look up who this 'guy' is because I don't even know his name. I just remember the vocalist from some YT channel. I only go so far as finding out what his name and seeing what work he's been up to lately. I haven't "connected" / "followed" / "liked". Googling him I find a LOT of female fans totally "in love" with him. Not my words, theirs haha. I feel proud. Nothing else.
So I figured I would start this. This digital open letter / diary not really wanting A to read this but more as a private vent for figuring this out.
A moving dream on my parent's 34th wedding anniversary that I cannot shake off. I continue to look, watch, be proud from afar.
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